Whats wrong with Richie? Part 2

David Crowder signs one of my favorite songs, “everything glorious”! The chorus goes “You make everything glorious, You make everything glorious, You make everything glorious and I am yours so what does that make me?” You know my intention with sharing some of what is going on in my life was to show how God is working and to help others understand “what is going on with Richie?” I was gonna post about once or twice a week until today. I have been barraged by “Christians” who are telling me that I am “seeking attention” or “the world sees how you are acting”. One thing I noticed is that none of these asked how they could help or pray for me…………. Wow! So here is another part of the story of Richie! As I sat in that Wal-Mart parking lot crying over what was to come. Feeling abandoned, betrayed and alone I felt God push me on and say this is a path I want you to walk. Now I wasn’t a saint or Billy Graham or anything like that! I was mad at the world mad at my wife and family and friends for not being there when I needed them! Little did I know the free fall I was beginning! I returned home and had a “discussion” with my wife who didn’t realize exactly with the doctor had told me. But God wanted me to walk this path and I accepted it! I began taking my pills. Little by little a dark cloud began to surround my little world. I became easily irritated especially with my family and my children. Which hurts me to this day! We won’t even talk about driving around to Brainerd or the cities! The few friends I had I totally withdrew from any interaction with them. I surround myself with no one! I soon realized how alone I was….I mean who does the Pastor confide in? Who does he talk to when he has problems? Whose shoulder does he cry on? I was alone with all this pent up anger, frustration, fear and trepidation. I was spiraling farther and farther in to my dark world filled with loneliness and hopelessness. Likely my wife began to see that something was seriously wrong! She began to look at the drugs I was on and suspected that this new one was causing some problems. But through the Doctors advice and others I continued to take the drug. Its Christmas time and I don’t want to see anyone! At all! Worse upon that while I am sinking into my darkness farther and farther on Christmas day I get the flu! I wanted to die….not just because of the flu but I was convinced that my family would be better off with out me! These days are the worst days of my life in this time period! Worse then losing my dad! I began not sleeping very much or at all. The teens at my church had an all night bowling lock in on Dec 29th. I came home from that lock in and slept one hour. That was it! From Dec 29th to Jan 6th I slept one hour total and that was after the lock in. This is the darkness I never want to experience again. The hopelessness was choking me. The anger I should my children frightened me and the fear that I might do something to them scared me beyond belief. During this time I am anything but a rational person. The world was out to get me! I couldn’t even go in the bedroom to try and sleep! I was on the edge and that edge was the world is better off with Richie! My family will be better without the stress of dealing with me. It was January 5th a Sunday, I have church, not a lot of things for me to do that day because teen challenge is at church. I sat in the back in a complete shroud of darkness, regret, fear and hopelessness. The service ended we went home….the kids were playing in the living room, Beth is on the phone and computer in her office. I went to my bedroom and cried like the was no tomorrow, because I knew there wouldn’t be! I reached up and pulled out my black H&K 9mm loaded it and sat on my bed. If you don’t believe in miracles you’re a idiot! I have more to this story obviously but I don’t leave you hanging too much because I am still here typing! But When I write the next parts of my story I want you to understand yes this is personal but if it helps one person it is totally worth it! For those of you who say continue to say I am just seeking attention, yes you are right! I am jumping up and down saying God does miracles! Don’t look at me but look at what God can do in your life! I am not worried about how you perceive me, I worry about how God perceives me!

Solid Ground

So I have had a great internal debate as to how much of the spiritual aspect I should go into on my blog. I like for all to be able to read what I have learned and take something from it and use it into their own lives. But when it comes to spiritual and religious things people tend to get their ire up quickly. So in my mind the debate raged! I know what your saying "there is alot of room for that fight up there!" Well yes that is true! But, I came to the conclusion that I believe what I believe because I studied hard and searched intently to understand. The same way I did with everything else in my life! So if I share my relentless desire to better myself physically and mentally I also should share what I have learned spiritually! So here it goes......

C.S. Lewis wrote, "There are lots of things you can do with sand; but do not try building a house on it." This is a wonderful statement if you understand the how foundations work. Sand is not a stable source to build upon. It will not pack and washes away very easy. Jesus used this illustration in the bible with the foolish man who built his house and the sand. And the wise man who built his house on the rock. The meaning behind the parable is that we should be build our lives on things that are solid! My intent here is not to debate or start an argument for Christianity. My intent is to simply ask what have you built your life upon? Through my adolescent and teenage years I did many things that I am not proud of, I was self centered and very very egotistical. I lived for me, for what made Richie happy and never gave a second thought about anyone else. I begin to study the bible. Now, not out of a want of spiritual gain but out of the idea that I was tired of my family using it to try to "help" me. As I studied I began to see that the facts and stories and the history found in the bible could be verified! I was stunned by this! I had gone through college and was taught that these were just fairy tales and stories made up to illustrate certain religious points. Yet here I find scholar after scholar who can attest to the times and places. The major hang up comes with the miracles we find happening throughout the bible.....are they true? What I found....Yes they are! Now I don't want you to take my word for it.  Don't believe cause I believe you go and look and study for yourself. Physical I cannot lift weights to make you stronger or do cardio to make you healthier. Mentally I cannot read for you to make you smarter! You need to do these things on your own and by yourself. Don't look around or look at someone else and what they have done, just do it yourself! Stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself and ask, "what have I built my house on?" Consider that maybe the reason you are struggling and not happy is because you have been building in the wrong spot!

Failure is good for you! Really....

I don't know if you have noticed in recent years that our culture avoids failure. My oldest son played youth baseball this summer. They didn't keep track of the score in their baseball games. So me being the person I am asked why? The answer....... they didn't want to discourage the kids if the lost. Really? So we want them to grow up to think that they can always win? We want  them to think they should be successful at everything? That is crazy! This wont build character! Failure builds endurance, perseverance and persistence. We have all heard the examples of people like Thomas Edison. Someone once asked Edison about the 1,000 patents he had on failed light bulbs and if it discouraged him? His reply, was that he had learned a thousand ways not to build a light bulb! Now that is a totally different way of looking at failure! 
How about Micheal Jordan? Now I wont lie I am a huge Jordan fan! No pun intended! Jordan was cut his freshman year from the basketball team. Instead of letting that failure get him down and discourage him, he let it fuel him and drive him to become one of the greatest basketball players of all time. Even after being in the NBA failure drove him to be better and never let losing or failing bother him. Here is a great Nike commercial that shows it....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45mMioJ5szc. He always let those faults and failure drive him to better his game and himself.

The point for us? Do not let failure hold you back! We have to change our mental prospect or view on failure. We need understand that we cannot win every baseball game. So times our business' will fail, our friendships will fail. Even our diets will fail! But that is not an excuse to just give up. It should be what drives us to become better. We can, like many in society, let failure destroy our lives or we can let it fuel us to the top. If you grew up in the 90's you will understand this, " I wanna be like Mike"! Light a fire inside and go after it! Don't let a fear of failure control you, hold you back anymore. Be relentless!



 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4 : 13

Being Relentless

As we start let me define for you what the meaning of relentless is;

 

1. Unyielding in severity or strictness; unrelenting:

2. Steady and persistent; unremitting

 

The goal of this blog is to help us, me included, become relentless in our pursuits in life. Not just to acheive goals or a specific level, but pursue them with intense strictness! To be relentless in being a father. To be relentless as husband. To be relentless as a speaker.

This doesnt happen the easy way. There is no simple formula to help you become relentless. It is something that has to take over you entire life and be part of your entire life. Physically, Mentally and Spiritually. Wanting to become a relentless person will require you to not only face the future but face somethings in your past that have held you back. So, as Jeffery Gitomer says, "Its time to Kick your own butt"!

 

Remember the only one holding you back is you!

 

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13